Lekker: Slow Cooker Buffalo Chicken Lettuce Wraps

I haven't actually blogged in awhile because my fingers actually hurt too much to type. It's too cold. I just sat on my hands for a bit to warm them up to write this sentence, and now my butt is just cold. It was 20 degrees when I left the house this morning. My friend Tiny Bird sent me a text message yesterday saying: "I WANT TO BOP THIS COLD WEATHER ON THE HEAD. RAWR."

Winter, we are so done.

We live in DC, by the way, not planet Hoth. This is not acceptable, at least not without a Taun-Taun and a lightsaber (purple, please, with Anakin's handle).

ANYWAYS, today's recipe has nothing to do with the cold or being suitable for the cold or anything even vaguely cutely relating to the cold because there is no rhyme or reason to this blog or my life. I just really really wanted buffalo chicken, and I also really really want to not get fat, so I wrap it in lettuce instead of bread. When feeding my man-friends on football Sundays, though, it's always piled high on top of a toasted buttered Kaiser roll and served with heaps of bleu cheese and pickles on the side.

Buffalo Chicken Lettuce Wraps
serves 4

What You Need
4 skinless boneless chicken breasts (You can also do a mix of breasts and thighs if you're freaky like that concerned about it being too dry, but of course thigh meat has more fat than breast meat and it's all doused in sauce anyway.)
~1.5 bottles of buffalo wing sauce (Yeah I know this is a really inexact measurement, sorry. I always buy two bottles and use about 3/4 of each because I'm never convinced that just ONE brand can have the exact flavour I want. After years of experimenting I've decided that a 50/50 mix of Texas Pete's Extra Mild Buffalo Wing Sauce and Frank's Red Hot Wing Sauce in the classic Buffalo flavour is the perfect mixture.)
2 T butter, chopped into small pieces

To Serve:
Lettuce leaves of choice (Unless your choice is "iceberg" lettuce, because that stuff is a nutritionally empty waste of space on a plate--I recommend Romaine leaves, Boston lettuce, Butter lettuce, or Bibb lettuce. I used Bibb.) 
Bleu cheese dressing (Marie's Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing is the best of the bunch, free of MSG, but you can also make your own by stirring together some blue cheese crumbles and a wee bit of half-and-half, microwaving at 10-second interval until it becomes saucy to your liking!)
Peeled, diced cucumber for crunch (optional; I just really like having pickles with my traditional buffalo chicken sandwiches but didn't think that would be terribly delicious with lettuce, and since pickles ARE cucumbers, it's only logical...)

What You Do
1. Toss the chicken breasts into a slow cooker and dump the sauce on top, turning the chicken around so everything is well coated. Sprinkle the butter bits on top, cover and cook on High for 3-4 hours or on Low for 6-7 hours.

2. Done! Shred the chicken up with two forks and return to the slow cooker to soak up the leftover sauce (feel free to add more at this stage if it's not saucy enough for you) and warm back up. Serve piled on top of lettuce leaves with the condiments and additions of your choice. Done!

Lagniappe: Don't Listen to Her

Lekker: Shrimp & Avocado Salad

I try to be pretty picky about the kinds of recipes I put up on the blog--I cook a LOT, and they aren't all winners. That's why everything I put up here is something I would make again and share with others, but this...this I could eat every day for a month and never complain.

As with most things in life, sometimes the best things are the SIMPLEST things! This Shrimp & Avocado salad is totally brainless, but so refreshing, so light, so delicious, and so applicable. I've eaten shamelessly devoured it by itself, on toasted baguette as an appetizer, on top of crunchy romaine lettuce as an even fuller salad, and even sprinkled with Parmesan in a grilled sandwich. ALL GOOD THINGS. And since I've decided that I am 17 shades of DONE with winter and forcibly moving ahead to summer (if my "bikini body" could get the memo that'd be great), it's extra perfect.

Maybe not the most pristine, photogenic salad in the world, but who cares.

Shrimp & Avocado Salad
usually serves 2 if tossed on top of some chopped romaine lettuce

What You Need
1/2 pound shrimp, peeled, deveined, tail-off and cooked (These particular ones I found at Trader Joe's and all I had to do was run them under some cold water to thaw for 5 minutes and they were DELICIOUS.)
1 avocado, diced
1 large tomato-on-the-vine, or 2 Roma tomatoes, or a large handful of cherry tomatoes, or whatever, diced
1/2 cup peeled and diced cucumber (this wound up being about 1/3 of a large English cucumber)
1 green spring onion, chopped

~2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves (no stems)
~1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
~1/2 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon juice (or bottled I guess, but use sparingly since it's often stronger)
2-3 dashes chili powder
S & P, to taste

What You Do
1. Um...toss everything together? Stir really well to combine (the avocado will break down a bit and create a lovely creamy dressing with the EVOO and the lemon juice, but add more if you want to) and let it hang out in the fridge for about 10 minutes so the flavours marry, and...enjoy!

Liquor: Lemon Ginger Martini

So I have this really pathetic little game going on with myself right now, where I give myself a blue star (literally just a star scribbled in blue ink) on my wall calendar for every day I don't drink this month. There's no incentive for doing this; I've not promised myself anything, am not rewarding myself in any way, and have not been commanded to do so by any sort of rehabilitation programme. I have no idea why I play these games with myself.

Today is February 19, and I have 7 blue stars.

Don't you judge me. It's largely because of this drink! The Lemon Ginger Martini.

Easy-peasey lemon-squeezy.

This drink recipe comes entirely from my friend Lilypad, who is just so tres chic it's no surprise at all that she would come up with such a sophisticated drink. I love it because it's not too sweet, and so refreshing I know this is going to become my signature summer drink. With over a foot of snow piled up outside, clearly I am already pretending it is summer! I think it's about time I switch back to liquor from wine and beer, too, in trying to make smarter caloric decisions--so you can expect cocktail recipes to pop up more often, especially "skinny" ones. Cos summer IS coming. Thank god.

Lemon Ginger Martini
makes 1 martini

What You Need
2 ounces gin (BECAUSE YES, ACTUAL TRUE MARTINIS ARE MADE WITH GIN, NOT WITH VODKA) As you can see I used Tanqueray, but usually Bombay Sapphire is my go-to. Lilypad, because she maintains only the most exquisite taste, likes Junipero, which I must say I quite like.
1 ounce freshly squeezed and strained lemon juice (I forbid you to bastardise this simple deliciousness with the bottled stuff!)
0.5 ounce (or 1 ounce if you like things sweeter) ginger simple syrup, recipe here

What You Do
1. Did I or did I not say easy-peasey lemon-squeezy? Shake all over ice in a cocktail shaker for 30 seconds and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a lemon slice.

Lekker: Bacon Wrapped Baked Eggs

This post is about bacon. That alone should be enough to grab your attention. How about breakfast for dinner? I'm a big fan of that, since my love for eggs is WELL documented, and usually by the time I am home and have had a glass of wine, breakfast is about as complicated as it gets around here! This little dish takes about 30 minutes to whip up start to finish and is fancy enough to do for a Sunday brunch, for a winkwinknudgenudge morning after, or to make yourself feel fancy for dinner. Bottom line: this stuff is the SHIT.

Give it a spin.

Serve with a fresh green salad for lunch, steamed/grilled/sauteed asparagus and feta for dinner, or with some cut fruit and a tall glass of OJ (read: mimosa) for breakfast.

Because bacon.

Bacon Wrapped Baked Eggs
makes 1 serving

What You Need
serves 1; scale up as needed, depending on how many guests you have the morning after--I'm not judging
2 slices bread OR a bit of Pillsbury croissant or biscuit dough (in the pop-open tins that are like jack-in-the-boxes for adults, that is to say, awful)
2 eggs
4 slices of bacon (thick cut, applewood smoked, whatever you like)
Optional: shredded cheddar cheese (yes), sliced scallions or green spring onions (yes), salt and pepper (of course) and/or anything else you like with your eggs.

What You Do
1. Preheat your oven to 375 and grease a muffin tin well. If you're using slices of bread, use a highball glass to stamp out two circles of bread, smooshing them down into the bottom and sides of the muffin tin. You'll want to spray the bread with whatever Pam or melted butter or whatever you used to grease the pan, too. If you're using the croissant dough, just unroll it and layer it on the bottom and sides of the muffin tin. That's stuff got enough grease on its own to be a musical.

 See?

2. Cook the bacon in the microwave until it's pliable but not cooked. Usually this takes only about a minute for me. Wrap two pieces in a "halo" of sorts above the bread, overlapping each other a bit.

3. You can add cheese/onions/herbs to the bottom and then pile the egg on top, or vice versa. Usually I do a bit of both. So, I drop a wee bit of sliced onions and shredded cheese on top of the bread, and crack an egg into that lovely little well you've made. Then top with more cheese, onions, salt and pepper, because you worked hard today putting up with all those idiots out there and you deserve it.

 Voila!

4. YOU'RE DONE. Pop into the oven for about 16 minutes and enjoy a whiskey drink, then remove. Depending on how hot your oven gets you might want to start checking at 14 minutes; take it out when the whites are solid and cooked through. Let it cool for about 3 minutes (this gives the bread and egg time to release itself from the sides of the muffin tin) and run a knife around the edges, popping out onto a warm plate. Serve with your vegetable of choice (to counteract all that whiskey and bacon, of course) and bask in the praise of whomever you've decided to bless with this.

Lagniappe: It'll Be Over Tomorrow

Lagniappe: You're Like Hot Chocolate

'Tis the season of love, or something something something friends-with-benefits. Whichever.

Lagniappe: That "Filter" Thing

I do not have it.