Lekker: Cheesy Polenta & Collard Greens

Ey yo! Long time no see!

Being back on that college grind means my entire diet has basically been whittled down to the "cheap and healthy" choices of 1) salad and 2) eggs on toast.

That's it.

When I go home and visit my Dad on the weekends, I get crazy and eat some chicken, and drink a beer. It is like a madhouse up in here, y'all.

HOWEVER, this weekend I got the inordinate thrill of actually--gasp--COOKING A MEAL. And it was grand, because I discovered the joys of polenta a few months ago and it is absolutely my new favourite comfort food. In my highly unhumble opinion it's pretty much on par with mashed potatoes when done right, and I think it's the cheesiness that does it.

Polenta is historically a peasant's dish from back in Ye Olde Long Ass Time Ago (around the 16th century if you want to get technical), because essentially it's just cornmeal boiled with water into a porridge. Gruel.

Yeah that's right. I'm teaching you how to make gruel, you filthy Roman slave. 

For the rest of this post, you may envision me this way. Triple bonus points if you actually know who this is.

Anyway, back on track.

A quirk of polenta is that it has a very short "plate life", just FYI. It can sort of gum up fairly quickly, so if you're adding it to part of another meal you want to make sure you've got everything else ready to go before the polenta is finished. It also doesn't reheat really well so don't make more than you need, BUT if you do, next-day polenta can be cut into pieces and either fried or grilled and is REALLY delicious that way.

Don't be put off by that. Don't be lazy. 

Oh, and one last thing--since polenta is a starch you can pair it with just about anything your heart desires, but I was craving a Southern feel (and bacon was on sale, because there is a God) so I went ahead and mixed up a batch of my Bacon Braised Collard Greens to put on top. And then, of course, a crown of poached egg at the summit of this deliciousness, because if it CAN be topped with an egg, I will do it.

CHEESY POLENTA
serves about 4 Roman slaves if they are skinny, or 2 Roman Slave Lords if you want a bit of leftovers
 

WHAT YOU NEED

• 3/4 cup fine yellow cornmeal
• 2 cups chicken broth or stock
• 1 cup dry white wine (not a sweet one like Moscato or Riesling)
• 3/4 cup grated sharp white cheddar (Cabot is the shit. Like, bar none the best non-specialty cheddar you can find at the grocery store, IMO.)
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• fresh cracked pepper
   

WHAT YOU DO

1. It's really easy. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, bring the broth and wine to a rapid simmer. Let simmer for about 6-8 minutes to let the alcohol in the wine cook off. Then slowly sprinkle in the cornmeal, paprika, and a bit of pepper, whisking constantly to avoid any lumps. It'll thicken up immediately and look like bubbling lava. Yummy! Turn the heat down to low, cover, and simmer gently for 15 minutes, stirring often.

2. It should only take about 15 minutes to cook, so at this point stir in the cheese until it's nice and melty. The consistency should be smooth with no lumps. If it's looking too thick for you after the cheese has been added, stir in a little more broth or water to thin it out (I like mine thinner) and serve immediately. 

If you like, you can add some chopped fresh parsley or chives for some pretty colour; I just didn't have any. This recipe is bound to pop up again because there's so many variations I want to try, like...a baked chorizo, egg and polenta breakfast skillet...coming soon! (ish)

Lekker: Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

So my Dad's been on a random mushroom kick lately and every weekend I come home, he buys a pair of portobello mushroom caps for us to have. No real plan or anything, just...buys them and looks at me expectantly. Please don't ask me to explain any further because I really don't know.

Anyway, last night I realised we had some spinach in the fridge that needed to be used and stuffed mushrooms became pretty obvious. Grievously, I forgot how much mushrooms shrink when they cook--it was a LONG week of calculus, okay--so with one mushroom each even topped with a poached egg for some filling protein, we were a bit underfed.

To that end I suggest you employ these as a side dish to chicken or steak; or double the portion per person to serve as a full dinner with a salad on the side; or perhaps for brunch as well. No matter what though, it's easy, fast, and delicious!

See? OK, the mushroom shrinks quite a bit so...yeah...I promise it's there and it's yummy. The molten egg yolk creates a rich sauce that pulls everything together.

Oh, and? I recognise this is a crappy picture. The photography struggle in my Dad's kitchen with flickering fluorescent lights is REAL, I tell you.

STUFFED PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS
the recipe as written serves 2 as a side dish; double it to create a proper meal for brunch or lunch with a salad

WHAT YOU NEED

• 2 portobello mushroom caps
• 1 very large handful fresh baby spinach, chopped finely
• 1 Roma or beefsteak tomato, seeded and finely diced
• ~1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs (I didn't have any so I just made my own using a piece of whole wheat bread grated on a box grater. Spread it out on a foil-lined pan--you'll reuse the same one to bake the mushrooms so you're not dirtying another dish--and spray with cooking oil of your choice. Bake at 375 for about 4 minutes and they'll be crispy and good to go.)
• 1/2 cup of grated cheese of your choice (I used extra sharp cheddar since that's what we had but feta, Parmesan, or any other hard cheese would be great here.)
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• S & P, to taste
• 1/2 teaspoon olive oil, maybe

Optional: two eggs, poached, to top


WHAT YOU DO

1. Preheat your oven to 375. As with all mushrooms, first wipe them down with a damp paper towel to remove any excess dirt. Then, using a spoon, gently scrape out the dark gills on the underside. I've never been formally told to do this, but they REALLY freak me out and don't look delicious at all, and I know other people do it, so--follow the crowd. Do it. Also creates a deeper bowl to stuff more delicious things in.

2. In a small mixing bowl, combine the spinach, tomato, breadcrumbs, cheese, oregano, and salt and pepper. If it looks very dry and isn't bonding well, add a bit of olive oil to bring it all together.

3. On a small baking sheet lined with foil, lay your mushroom caps upside down. Spoon the mixture into the cavity until it's well heaped, leaving a bit of room around the edges to account for shrinkage.

4. Bake for 10 minutes, then broil for an additional 2-3 minutes to get the breadcrumbs right on the top nice and crispy.

You can be busy poaching your eggs while the mushrooms are baking, if you opt to serve them that way, which you should, because I said so. I can't WAIT to make these for brunch this weekend, perfect alongside a mimosa or seven.

Lekker: Clean Eating Egg Muffins

Mornings suck. Well, most mornings. Weekend mornings are the best because they usually involve sleeping in late, cuddling up next to someone special, mimosas, and of course, bacon. However, something went wrong with the universe and time and space and we only have two weekend mornings and five weekday mornings per week, which is some crazy bullsh*t if you ask me, but there you have it. Weekday mornings are their own special kind of hell if you're not a peppy morning person and, like me, have the bar set so low that if you can make it out the door to work with coffee in hand and your dress on the right way out you're already impressed with yourself.

So, breakfast. Ain't nobody got time for that during the week.

But we know it's important! While coffee *is* an appetite suppressant, it's not enough to keep me from turning into a real Moody Judy until I can finally eat lunch at noon. And THEN, that's usually not enough to hold me over until 6:00 PM when I get home and can ravenously destroy something before I go to the gym. It's a terrible system and I would be grouchy in the mornings when my blood sugar bottomed out, and then feel guilty and stupid later on in the afternoon because I couldn't stop myself from snacking around 3:00 PM. These are all poor decisions when you're trying to eat right and make intelligent choices so you can binge guilt-free on the weekends.

I was looking for a reasonable solution that would not require any effort on my part in the morning and stumbled across this recipe on Pinterest. I gave it a whirl several weeks ago and have been hooked since. You can go to the original source recipe, of course, but here is my version that's pretty short, sweet & simple. I whip these up on a Sunday evening and it takes me about 15 minutes of prep plus the baking and cooling time. Even you can do this. One episode of New Girl and they're basically done.

Clean Eating Egg Muffins
makes 12 muffins, a dozen eggs = a dozen muffins so scale up or down however you want

What You Need
1 dozen eggs (I like organic eggs because I think regular eggs taste like weak nothing and will probably kill you, but you do you)
Veggies of your choice, finely diced (see list of suggestions below)
Salt/seasoning of your choice & pepper (I like Lawry's seasoning salt)

Optional: shredded cheese and/or diced meat. Obviously this adds more calories to it. I've never added meat because I try to eat a more vegetable heavy diet when possible, and if I'm going to eat meat it's going to be a delicious grilled steak or perfect French cut pork chops, not some sad soggy breakfast sausage. I used cheddar cheese the first time I made these, omitted it the second time and didn't miss it. Up to you, homie.

What You Do
1. Heat your oven to 375. Grease a muffin tin REALLY WELL with whatever spray you have around. You've already finely diced up your vegetables into little pieces, so throw those into the muffin tin all evenly.

2. Crack a dozen eggs into a bowl, add salt and pepper and whatever seasonings you like and beat it with a wire whisk like it stole from you.There should be all sorts of little frothy air bubbles in it. Gently pour that on top of your veggies; it'll soak in around all the spaces between the veggies nicely.

3. Bake at 375 for 15-20 minutes--for me, it's 16 minutes on the dot every time. They will be huge and probably will have run over the muffin pan a bit; chill out, it's not the end of the world. They're going to collapse as soon as you take them out of the oven. Let them cool for 5 minutes, then run a knife around the edges and pop them out onto a baking rack until they've cooled completely. Pack them up into a giant Ziloc bag and toss in your fridge. Grab two each morning, heat in the microwave for 1 minute and voila, low-cal, protein-packed breakfast goodness is served. I nosh on mine around 10 AM with a small glass of Naked's "Green Machine" juice smoothie and it keeps me full and focused until 2 PM.

Veggie Suggestions: My go-to is baby spinach, tomato, red bell pepper and scallions. Once I made a "Sante Fe" type version with red bell pepper, green bell pepper, lots of onion, cilantro and sriracha beaten into the eggs. That was the bomb dot com. Next week I plan to do a mushroom and broccoli run. Zucchini and cucumber have a lot of water in them so don't use those because it'll make the muffins all mushy. Just use your judgement; whatever you'd throw into an omelette you can throw in here.

I'm not a genius, I don't know what the nutritional content of these actually are but a whole organic egg has about 70-80 calories each, and if you keep out the cheese and meat this is ONLY GOOD THINGS that you can stuff your face with and feel awesome about doing it.

UPDATE 09.03.13: I just did a batch with diced baby bella mushrooms, kale and turkey pepperoni since that's what I had in the fridge for this week, and they are AWESOME! The turkey pepperoni only has 70 calories per 15 slices so I used 10 and diced it up finely. It adds a nice kick and richness and some salt too. I'm going to investigate using cupcake liners next time, though, because cleaning the pan every week is a real bitch of a task.

UPDATE 09.16.13: I did a broccoli, mushroom and pepperoni mix this weekend and tried to use cupcake liners. DO NOT DO THIS. The cupcake liners did jack nothing and got all soggy in the fridge and the egg muffin still stuck to that, so...that was a completely pointless endeavor. I'm going to try swinging by Target next pay day for a silicone muffin tin to see if that might be the final solution. (I can't say I cared for the broccoli in the muffins, either, and won't be doing that again.)

UPDATE 10.09.13: My dear friend Momma Bird told me that I should use the foil cupcake liners and remove the waxpaper liner that usually comes on the inside of those. GENIUS! Use the foil liners and spray those with Pam, and the muffins pop out of those much easier and cook more evenly too. 

I probably over-filled them a bit here, but to me it's NBD. You can fill them up to only 3/4 of the way if you want more "pristine" muffins. 

Eat with a glass of this for maximum superhero capabilities. Until lunch, anyway. (DON'T EVEN TELL ME YOU DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE IT'S GREEN. Stop it with that nonsense, you haven't even tried it yet. It's delicious.)