Lekker: Mashed Brussels Sprouts

Everyone keeps going on and on about mashed cauliflower as an alternative to mashed potatoes; that crap is like the herpes of Pinterest. Unfortunately for me I've never been able to perfect the recipe--it always turns out too grainy or too watery and exactly 0% "just like mashed potatoes."

Um, excuse me, you are not fooling me. I know mashed potatoes.

I'm not saying they're terribly GREAT for you or anything, being only simple carbohydrates, fat and salt...but isn't that the very definition of a comfort food?

This stuff, though...these mashed Brussels sprouts leave that cauliflower mush in the dust and are so satisfying, and so comforting, I *may* never need to make mashed potatoes again.

Maybe. Let's not get totally out of hand here.

This is really fantastic stuff, though, and if you've already turned your nose at it because it's Brussels sprouts, you need an intervention! Brussels sprouts were brutalised for most of us, I think, with clumsy over-boiling until they were little green balls of sulphuric hell. Roasting baby Brussels brings out a crispy outer texture and sweet nutty overtones, and I'll have a recipe for that soon, but in the meantime, give this bad boy a shot. I'm SURE the concept of mashed Brussels sprouts seems strange, but what's life without a little (or in my case, a great lot) or strangeness? :)

This is the consistency I achieved using only a potato mashed, but if you want it smoother you could run it through with a pair of beaters.

Mashed Brussels Sprouts
serves about 2 as a side dish with a smidge for leftovers

What You Need
1 lb fresh Brussels sprouts (I buy the bag from Trader Joes, but if you can score them straight on the stalk at a farmer's market, by all means snag those! They look so cool, like something you'd see in Doctor Who!)
4-5 tablespoons salted butter, cut into pieces
1/3 cup half-and-half (or more, to adjust the consistency to your liking)
Salt & pepper, to taste

What You Do
1. I think this is even simpler and faster that mashed potatoes. Just wash your Brussels sprouts lightly (if they're fresh, there might still be a bit of sand/dirt on them) and trim the ends off, removing any grubby outer leaves. Slice into quarters, and toss into a steamer basket. If you don't have a steamer basket, GET ONE! It's just a little basket you pop into a pot that will keep your veggies elevated above the inch or so of water you'll put in the bottom. It's MAGIC.

2. Steam just until the sprouts are bright green and fork tender. Lift the steamer basket out, drain the water, and pop the sprouts back into the pot. Add your butter and half-and-half and go to work with a standard potato masher. Add salt and pepper to taste, aaaaand....you're done!

I asked my roommate TB to have a taste to let me know his thoughts. He dipped his spoon in, and was quiet. He dipped his spoon in again. He dipped his spoon in AGAIN...and I wrested the bowl away from him. Yep, "good enough I could eat the whole bowl!"

Lagniappe: How to Boil an Egg

Today's post is an instructional one, since several of my recipes recently have called for hard or soft boiled egg of some sort and I've been eating a lot of them, too. In fact, I recently discovered that it is ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUSLY POSSIBLE to make egg salad without any mayo whatsoever. Yep, just do a half-and-half mixture of plain Greek yogurt and avocado, mix in an acid of your choice (I dig Dijon mustard) and salt and pepper, and you've got yourself a fantastically light green, rich, lean egg salad. If you hate avocado (you're wrong) and simply have to have your mayo, at least do a 50/50 mix of mayo and Greek yogurt. I promise you will not notice the difference, and you'll have just cut your calories in half: one tablespoon of mayo has 90 calories, one tablespoon of Greek yogurt has 17 calories. Don't say I never did anything for ya!

 Photo from Bon Appetit, credit Danny Kim

Anyway, back to boiling eggs. Everyone has their own way of doing this and everyone's so sure they're right, but I'm pretty sure I'm the MOST right. You'll notice I reference "piercing" the eggs--this is SOP in South Africa and Europe but I find it's not as well-known here. Y'all are at a disadvantage! Piercing the large end of the eggs make the shells less likely to crack during boiling, and I think it makes them infinitely easier to peel, too. I use a gadget like this one, but you can also just use a pin or a needle.

It's simple! Place the pierced eggs in a medium sized pot and cover with cold salted water. Use a big enough pot so that the eggs can have room to move, and enough water such that the eggs are covered by at least an inch. Cover and bring to a boil. The SECOND it comes to a boil, start the timer for 1 minute. After 1 minute of boiling, remove the pot from the heat and let sit, covered, for 12 minutes. When the 12 minutes are up, immediately dump them into a bowl of ice cold water to shock them. This instantly stops the cooking process. Wait 'til they're fully chilled, and peel. Dunzo.

Soft boiled eggs are a bit trickier. That was my favourite breakfast as a kid: soft boiled eggs with little toast soldiers for dipping. I'm 23 years old and that is STILL my most comforting breakfast! The way I like them, with very soft yolks, is to bring a pot of salted water to a rolling boil. Pierce the eggs and lower them gently into the water with a slotted spoon. Boil for 5 minutes, then shock with ice water. "Decapitate" them (slice off the top 1/3 with a sharp knife) and serve in an egg cup with sliced toast for dipping.

There's also an in-between egg, the kind that's served on top of soups, sort of a medium. It's the exact same instructions as a soft boiled egg, but you cook it for 7 minutes instead of 5.

Bon Appetit has the most amasing visual graphic here, if like me, you like pictures. And it is because they have this lovely graphic that I don't have to bother with taking my OWN multiple egg pictures. Everybody wins.

Bon Appetit!