Liquor: The Dirty Drunk Girl Scout

I'm not exactly sure what to call this drink. Most of you will recognise it as the Dirty Girl Scout, but that involves Creme de Menthe and Bailey's Irish Cream, neither of which I happened to have on Sunday. What's a girl to do when she's determined to drink her dessert? Improvise! (Drunkenness is the mother of invention, right? That's how the saying goes?) That's why THIS little recipe calls for similar but different ingredients and I get to switch up the title. Figures that it becomes even more inappropriate that way, but whatever.

Beware: this drink is SWEET, much sweeter than I will ever be. These days I just want my Maker's Mark on the rocks, but when you're craving dessert and are fresh out of Thin Mints or anything else that's minty and chocolately and indulgent and delicious...well, this kind of thing happens. Join me, ladies. Your PMS will thank me later.

It's almost like a grown up milkshake? That's awesome. If you want to be fancy you can garnish with a sprig of mint, which I also, sadly, did not have on hand. Foodie problems yo.

What You Need
makes 1 cocktail

2 ounces vodka
1.5 ounces white chocolate liqueur  (I used Godiva)
1 ounce peppermint schnapps (I used what I had leftover from Christmas, but I was told by my buddy Monkey Boy to definitely try it with Rumple Minze next time for an extra kick. Meow.)
1 ounce Kahlua

What You Do

1. Easy, peasy, pudding & pie. Shake all in a cocktail shaker over ice for 30 seconds and serve, again over ice. Garnish with fresh mint if you wish, or a cookie on the side if you are REALLY suffering.


You may notice that's not your average ice cube floating there. In fact, a few weeks ago the folks over at Arctic Chill asked me if they could send me some free stuff to test , and of course the only sane answer to that question is "HELL YES!" They sent me a four-pack of these badass Ice Ball Makers and I've been messing around with them ever since. They're round, BPA-free (or so they say; I couldn't find mention of this anywhere on the box...something to think about, Arctic Chill!) silicon moulds that look like this:

 

All you do is connect the two pieces together and fill with water. Water expands as it freezes, of course, so the two pieces separate a bit but nothing crazy, and out easily pops an ice ball like this:

They melt so much slower than regular ice cubes, making them perfect for drinks on the rocks (my roommate Bear raves over these for his whiskey on the rocks) or drinks you want to keep cold without diluting terribly, just like the Dirty Girl Scout. No one likes watery cream drinks. At $20 for a 4-pack from Amazon I think they're definitely a worthy investment for your liquor cabinet. I'm going to be experimenting with them in the spring, filling them with water that's been boiled and cooled to yield a clear ice ball instead of a murky one, and possibly studding them with frozen fruit or edible flowers. You know, girly shit.

Cheers!

Liquor: Halloween Candy Corn Martini

I started this little project about a week ago, but because I can't count (apparently), by posting today I'm not giving YOU enough time to try this recipe yourself. Seriously, I fail so hard. The only reason why this takes 5-7 days is because you're doing your own infusion of candy corn vodka--MAYBE you could find a version in a liquor store? I mean, it's seasonal and god knows they flavour vodka with EVERYTHING these days (maple syrup, anyone? how 'bout butter? Swedish fish?). It was super easy to make, though, so if you have any extra candy corn left over from Halloween this week, do have at it! (The candy corn alone was difficult to find; for some reason I had to go to three different stores to find it and even then I almost had to fight this woman off for the last bag. Lady, I WILL have my candy corn vodka--this is not amateur hour!)

If you don't like vodka, you probably shouldn't make this. And we also probably shouldn't be friends. Now, if you don't like candy corn, well...I was worried that I would wind up with a sludgy sickly sweet mess, but I was wrong! The vodka absorbs the buttery taste of candy corn plus the iridescent orange colour, but leaves a lot of the tooth-aching sweetness behind. It really was very mild.

To make the candy corn infused vodka you'll need 2 parts vodka (I used Absolut) to 1 part candy corn; so, 2 cups of vodka and 1 cup of candy corn. I wasn't sure I would like it, though, and I'm the only vodka drinker in the house, so I halved it to 1 cup of vodka and 1/2 cup of candy corn. Throw into a clean Mason jar and stow away in a cool dark place for 5 days.

Bonus: doubles as a Halloween decoration. Sort of. If you're reaching.

When your five days of infusion are up, it's time to strain the vodka. Look! All the candy corn disappeared! 

Dudes, it was SO GROSS looking the first day--the candy corn had dissolved into these ghostly, floating tendrils of white that looked like snot floating in the vodka. 

Never fear. Shake up the jar, and then strain it through cheesecloth (fold over a few times to make it a tighter strain) into another glass or bowl. I found the easiest way to do this was to rubber band the cheesecloth around the mouth of a drinking glass and pour the vodka slowly through that. The cheesecloth caught everything and left only clear orange vodka behind. Presto!
 

Cheers to Mondays, cheers to candy corn, cheers to being holiday-specific drunk!

Candy Corn Martinis

makes 1 decently sized martini

What You Need

1 1/2 ounces candy corn vodka

3/4 ounce vanilla vodka (I used Absolut Vanilla)

1/2 ounce white vermouth

3 dashes Angosturra bitters

What You Do

Shake over ice in a cocktail shaker and serve.

Look, I failed on multiple levels with this little project, because I had intended to line the rim of the glass with Pop Rocks all cute-like. But do you think the four different stores I went to had Pop Rocks? NO! Do you think the fifth store had RED STRAWBERRY Pop Rocks? Of course. Because, that's what Mondays are just like.

I finally got home and thought OK, I'll make a compromise and edge it in green decorating sugar that I have on hand. So I open the drawer and--hahahahahahaha. I only have red sugar left. At that point I decided I just wanted to get the damn vodka inside me as soon as possible, so I chopped a candy corn in half and quit at life for the night.

Liquor: Grapefruit Crush

I really don't know WTF is going on right now, it's 90 degrees outside and football is on. Something is not right. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that it's still summer though because I'm not ready to pack away my wedges and white denim shorts yet, and THIS was the drink of my summer: a Grapefruit Crush. I discovered it on a girl's trip with my chickadees Tiny Bird and Lilypad to Annapolis, Maryland at O'Brien's Steakhouse. The bartender there was a barred lawyer, mixing drinks because it paid better than being an attorney, which caused no small amount of anxiety about my budding legal career...but the vodka fixed that.

O'Brien's original recipe calls for Finlandia grapefruit vodka shaken with fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice and topped off with Sprite. *I* could never find Finlandia and I forgot about the Sprite until just now, so this is my drink:

Grapefruit Crush
makes 1 refreshing drink

What You Need
Absolute Ruby Red Vodka (I keep mine in the freezer so it's always nice and cold)
1 fresh squeezed pink or red grapefruit, whatever you can find
Ice

What You Do
Throw some ice into a glass (crushed is cool if you've got it). Pour in some vodka, how much you want is probably in direct relation to how your day was. I usually use two shots' worth because I like my drinks strong. Squeeze the hell out of a grapefruit into the glass. Scrape the fruit against the side of the glass and get all that pulpy goodness in there. Don't worry about the seeds, they're just little baby thin white seeds and they won't bother you. You can fish them out I guess but don't make this weird, if you're so tightly wound that you have to do that then you DEFINITELY need this drink. Mix it all up with a long spoon and drink up, preferably giggling with girlfriends or at a pool somewhere. I like this drink because it's so simple you can still make more even if you're kinda drunk already. If you wanna get crazy you can add that Sprite for sweetness or fizz or whatever. I'm sure I'll try it that way next time if I can remember.

Cheers!