Lekker: Quinoa Tabbouleh

No, I didn't sneeze. It's food, I promise.

TABBOULEH! Know it? It's a Middle Eastern grain salad that's been around for eons upon ages, and typically it's not one of my favourite foods. Nothing against Middle Eastern food, of course--in fact I love it--but tabbouleh usually has a consistency that is not very pleasing to my tongue. With this recipe so chock full of fresh veggies and salty goodness, though, we've got zero problems.

And yes yes I know. Quinoa (KEEN-wah, if you haven't heard the yuppies talking about it as the next big health craze for the last 5 years) is not the traditional grain to use in tabbouleh. TOO BAD; that's what I had in my fridge and I like it better than bulgur anyway because it's got more protein per serving: 8 grams per cooked cup versus bulgur's 6. This is also an excellent swap if you're gluten-free since quinoa is technically a seed, not a wheat product.

I am *also* aware that traditional tabbouleh does not contain carrots, olives, or feta cheese, but if you're going to say no to those types of things I'm not sure I want to be friends with you anyway.

So, onwards we go to this strangely addictive light vegetarian lunch or dinner option (oooorrrr just add some grilled chicken to blow that whole vegetarian thing out of the water)!

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This is the only time grain salads look pretty. Not pictured: olives and feta cheese.

QUINOA TABBOULEH
serves two as a full salad for lunch or dinner; add grilled chicken if you want it a bit more filling

WHAT YOU NEED
1 1/2-2 cups cooked quinoa (I used tri-colour since that's what I had)
2 Persian cucumbers, diced small (Persian cukes are the little wee ones packaged in a tray and covered with plastic wrap; I like them because they're super crunchy with minimal seeds but feel free to use an English hothouse cucumber--the super long ones wrapped in cling wrap--as well. Regular cucumbers don't have the kind of crunch you want here.)
1 large beefsteak tomato or 2-3 smaller Roma tomatoes, diced
2 scallions, finely diced
1 medium carrot, peeled and diced
~1/3 cup kalamata olives, pitted and roughly chopped (Why are you bothering to measure a salad? Just take a "1/3 cup" to mean "a handful.")
~1/3 cup feta cheese, crumbled (or however much you want; I never let people tell me how much cheese I should or should not be eating dammit)
8-10 leaves fresh mint, finely chopped (Don't cheap out and use dried herbs! In this salad it's a total loss.)
8-10 leaves fresh Italian flat parsley, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, peeled and finely minced
Juice of 1 small lemon, pulp and seeds strained out
~1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
salt & pepper, to taste

WHAT YOU DO
1. In a large bowl, toss together the cooked quinoa, diced cucumbers, diced tomatoes, scallions, carrots, olives, cheese, mint, and parsley. Then in a separate small bowl whisk up the garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, salt, and pepper until well combined to become your dressing.

2. Toss the salad with your dressing (add a bit more olive oil if it looks too dry), and leave it to chill out in the fridge for 15-20 minutes.

As I said, this dish is actually super addictive. I wasn’t a huge fan of it the first time I ate it, but after it sat in the fridge for an hour I had another serving, and the more I ate it the more I wanted to eat more of it until I was essentially just shoveling it into my piehole, grains and parsley leaves flying everywhere. I are sexy.

Buon appetito!

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Lekker: Mashed Brussels Sprouts

Everyone keeps going on and on about mashed cauliflower as an alternative to mashed potatoes; that crap is like the herpes of Pinterest. Unfortunately for me I've never been able to perfect the recipe--it always turns out too grainy or too watery and exactly 0% "just like mashed potatoes."

Um, excuse me, you are not fooling me. I know mashed potatoes.

I'm not saying they're terribly GREAT for you or anything, being only simple carbohydrates, fat and salt...but isn't that the very definition of a comfort food?

This stuff, though...these mashed Brussels sprouts leave that cauliflower mush in the dust and are so satisfying, and so comforting, I *may* never need to make mashed potatoes again.

Maybe. Let's not get totally out of hand here.

This is really fantastic stuff, though, and if you've already turned your nose at it because it's Brussels sprouts, you need an intervention! Brussels sprouts were brutalised for most of us, I think, with clumsy over-boiling until they were little green balls of sulphuric hell. Roasting baby Brussels brings out a crispy outer texture and sweet nutty overtones, and I'll have a recipe for that soon, but in the meantime, give this bad boy a shot. I'm SURE the concept of mashed Brussels sprouts seems strange, but what's life without a little (or in my case, a great lot) or strangeness? :)

This is the consistency I achieved using only a potato mashed, but if you want it smoother you could run it through with a pair of beaters.

Mashed Brussels Sprouts
serves about 2 as a side dish with a smidge for leftovers

What You Need
1 lb fresh Brussels sprouts (I buy the bag from Trader Joes, but if you can score them straight on the stalk at a farmer's market, by all means snag those! They look so cool, like something you'd see in Doctor Who!)
4-5 tablespoons salted butter, cut into pieces
1/3 cup half-and-half (or more, to adjust the consistency to your liking)
Salt & pepper, to taste

What You Do
1. I think this is even simpler and faster that mashed potatoes. Just wash your Brussels sprouts lightly (if they're fresh, there might still be a bit of sand/dirt on them) and trim the ends off, removing any grubby outer leaves. Slice into quarters, and toss into a steamer basket. If you don't have a steamer basket, GET ONE! It's just a little basket you pop into a pot that will keep your veggies elevated above the inch or so of water you'll put in the bottom. It's MAGIC.

2. Steam just until the sprouts are bright green and fork tender. Lift the steamer basket out, drain the water, and pop the sprouts back into the pot. Add your butter and half-and-half and go to work with a standard potato masher. Add salt and pepper to taste, aaaaand....you're done!

I asked my roommate TB to have a taste to let me know his thoughts. He dipped his spoon in, and was quiet. He dipped his spoon in again. He dipped his spoon in AGAIN...and I wrested the bowl away from him. Yep, "good enough I could eat the whole bowl!"

Lekker: Bacon Braised Collard Greens

As you may recall, I was born and partially raised in South Africa--hence the "SouthAfricanBokkie" tag that shows up here, and elsewhere. "Bokkie" is a South African slang word for "darling" or "sweetie". After my family moved to the States, though, we settled in Florida and I grew up absorbing some of what it is to be a "Southern girl." My best girlfriends Lilypad and Tiny Bird emulate this infinitely more than I ever could, especially Lilypad with her pearl necklaces and sweet, preppy sundresses and sorority sisters, but a few things did stick--sweet tea, church on Sundays (well, sometimes), country music and a STELLAR pair of boots. I've been known to slip into my Southern drawl from time to time, as well, especially when sweet tea vodka is involved!

I was feeling rather in touch with my Southern-girl side this past weekend and craved some good old fashioned comfort food, this time taking the form of these bacon braised collard greens. EVERYONE down South knows how to prepare these 'dam good eats', and now you will, too. 

Oh, and ladies? If you've never dated a true Southern gentleman...FIND ONE. Trust me. Just trust me.

 South African by birth, Southern by the grace of...a green card? Close enough.

Bacon Braised Collard Greens
serves 4

What You Need
1 bag (16 ounces) collard greens, pre-cut and pre-washed because I am lazy and the child of American convenience
8 ounces applewood smoked thick cut bacon, chopped (I used Trader Joe's "Ends and Pieces" since they are the thickest cuts of bacon I can ever find)
1 large onion, sliced
4-5 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes, plus a pinch more for finishing
1 dash cinnamon (trust me on this)
1 1/2 cups low sodium chicken broth
1/4 cup apple cinder vinegar
S&P, to taste

What You Do
1. In a large pot (collards will wilt way down as they cook, but at first they're pretty huge and you'll want to make sure you have enough room to stuff them all in there) over medium heat, cook the bacon, stirring often, until most of the fat has rendered out and the bacon is crisp. Remove the bacon using a slotted spoon to drain on some paper towels.

2. In all that delicious bacon fat, toss in your onions and cook for about 5 minutes or until they're soft and golden. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about a minute or so. Add the red pepper flakes and cinnamon and stir well to combine. Now's the time when you stuff in all those collard greens and stir constantly until they turn bright green and are well immersed with the onions and bacon fat. Turn the heat to low and add the chicken broth. Cover and simmer at a bare simmer for about 15-20 minutes, stirring often.Monitor the liquid content as you go; you don't want it to dry out, but if it's looking too liquidy, just take the cover off to evaporate some.

3. When they're tender to the bite and dark green (and smell AHMAZING), add in the crisped bacon and the vinegar and stir all together to combine. Turn off the heat and let it sit covered for about 5 minutes. I find that the sodium of the bacon and the chicken broth is PLENTY salty, but feel free to taste and adjust at this stage.

I am so mad about these I just want to eat a whole big bowlful for dinner with a couple of slices of toasted, buttered bread--but you can also serve this with those Perfect Mashed Potatoes we talked about, and sausage or two.

Lekker: Cheesy Baked Spaghetti Squash

Here's another little gem that was pinged my way by the mysterious Lucas, shared between housemate TB and I for dinner last night. He's getting back on his vegan/vegetarian diet so we're making good use of the overabundance of vegetables from our garden, and everything you see here was grown by him. On a personal level, it always pleases me when I have an opportunity to show my gratitude to TB for being such a thoughtful, caring and creative housemate. He informed me last night that he's planted spinach, turnips and beans for the fall simply because I made a throw-away remark last week that I'd never cooked with turnips before and wanted to. He's awesome, right?! Thank youuuuu Craigslist!

I also like this recipe because it's INTENDED for two people. Come on y'all, don't be #foreveralone on this one--call up a friend or neighbor to join you (or a secretly despised enemy...just remember which half you put the arsenic into.)

The photo does not do this justice; I dunno WHAT was going on with my iPhone/kitchen lighting here...trust me, it's delicious. 

Cheesy Baked Spaghetti Squash
makes 2 large servings

What You Need
1 large spaghetti squash
2 T olive oil, divided (that means you aren't going to use it all at once, read the recipe)
4-6 Roma tomatoes, depending on their size. Use your judgement as usual.
a large handful of basil
4-5 chives
about 3/4 cup good quality Parmesan cheese, or more, whatever you want
S&P, to taste

What You Do
1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Now, we gotta slice that squash in half lengthwise and you will quickly realize that it's kind of a mother of a task. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BE CAREFUL. Use a really sharp large knife (or a meat cleaver, for reals) and GO SLOW and again, BE CAREFUL. Drink your wine AFTER this part. It is *so* easy for the knife to slip. It took me a hot minute to get it done, but eventually I did get into it. (Protip: Don't waste your time with serrated knives. They don't work and you will only wind up with a growing pile of reject knives in the corner of the cutting board at which your roommate will glance suspiciously.)

2. You got it open without stabbing yourself? YAY! It's all gravy from here. Using a spoon, scoop out the seeds and the obviously stringy bits. Brush the squash (the inside parts duh) with about 1 tablespoon of olive oil and add salt and pepper. On a foil-lined baking sheet, turn them cut side DOWN and put them in the oven for 30 minutes.

All nicely brushed, now flip 'em over and into the oven they go.

3. So while that's rockin' and rollin' in the oven, you can dice up your Roma tomatoes, the chives (KEEP CALM AND CHIVE ON!) and basil and add it all to a big bowl with the other tablespoon of olive oil, and a wee bit more salt and pepper if you like. I just let it marinate for about 15 minutes while I waited for the squash to finish cooking.

Obviously I didn't use all of that, I'm just showing off here.

4. After about 30 minutes in the oven your squash should be done. Take it out of the oven and flip it over carefully to check the insides. They should be soft. If not, throw them back in for another 5-10 minutes. But if they're done, let them cool for a few minutes until you can handle them. Turn on the broiler in your oven because it'll take awhile to heat up. You'll want to use a fork to shred out the insides into the awesome little spaghetti-like strings that give this bad boy its name in the first place. So fun! Dump those into the bowl with the tomatoes as you gather it all up.

5. So once that's all combined, you stuff it back into the shells of the squash and top it with Parmesan cheese. Please, do not insult these beautiful vegetables by using that powdered crap. That is not cheese. You can find the good stuff in the specialty cheeses section of any grocery store.

6. Broil for 3-5 minutes or until the cheese gets all nicely browned and melty and smells like heaven. I suppose you could serve this with grilled chicken or something else, but TB and I loved it just as is.

The ONLY thing I would do differently would be to add some crumbled bacon when it comes time to stuff everything back in the shells. I think it really could benefit from that richness, but honestly we were both scraping the shells with glee anyway so I'd say it's a success.

Voila! Serve with a glass of white wine. (Because of course.)